Why Can Some Children Not Stay With Their Own Parents?

Parents have a great responsibility for their children, until children grow up to be adults. In Germany and the United States, for example, children are considered adults when they turn 18. Rules called child welfare laws state that parents must keep their children safe, healthy, and well cared for. Parents must prepare children for an independent life.

Sometimes being a parent can be very difficult. Some parents may find it hard to take care of their children. It is important to know that this is never the child’s fault. These children have done nothing wrong to result in their parents’ inability to take care of them. Instead, it could be because the biological parents have never learned how to look after their children or have mental health problems. Parents with addiction problems, for example, find it difficult to stop using drugs or alcohol, even if they are harming themselves or their children. Some parents struggle with depression—they may be constantly sad or lack the energy to complete daily tasks, including taking care of their children. Other parents are very young and have little support. Others have no jobs and little money for food or live in environments that are unsafe or unhealthy for children. Some parents argue frequently and loudly with each other or with their children or even physically hurt each other or their children. This is very dangerous and traumatic for children, and childhood trauma can cause serious mental health problems.

In all these cases, a judge may decide it is better for the child to live somewhere else for a while or until they grow up. The judge may decide that living with other family members (such as grandparents), in a children’s home, or in foster care is the best option for the child. The child’s welfare, meaning what is best for the child, always comes first. Just as a plant needs good soil and water, a child needs a loving family to thrive and develop properly [1].

What is a Foster Family?

Foster families are special families that take care of children who cannot stay with their biological families. Foster families can give children a sense of security and happiness. Think of a foster family as a kangaroo with a big pouch with lots of space (Figure 1). This pouch is like a safe, cozy, and loving home where children can flourish. Foster parents help children in difficult times and enable them to grow up feeling good and strong.

Foster families exist in many countries. In Germany, the United States, and the United Kingdom, there are two main types of foster care: temporary care and permanent care. Temporary foster care means that children are placed with a foster family for a specific period of time, often until the biological parents can look after the child again or until a permanent foster family is found. Permanent foster care is when children stay with a foster family for a very long time, usually until they become grownups.

How is Foster Care Different From Adoption?

Both foster care and adoption offer children a safe and loving home when they cannot grow up with their biological parents. Even if children stay with the foster family permanently, the child’s biological parents are usually still part of the child’s life and still legally considered the child’s parents. This means that the biological parents must be involved in all important decisions affecting the child, such as decisions about major medical treatment or moving abroad.

In the case of adoption, the child’s biological parents generally do not take part in the child’s life and no longer have any legal rights or responsibilities for the child. The adoptive parents become the child’s new legal parents and take over all the duties of parenthood.

Challenges in Daily Life

Every foster child brings a symbolic backpack with them to their foster family, filled with bad past experiences and memories (Figure 2). Each of us carries such a backpack. The fuller it is, the heavier it is to carry. Good experiences, interests, or the feeling of being loved, give us a sense of security and strengthen us. They are tools that give us courage, aid in challenges, and lighten the load of the backpack.

However, many foster children have had bad experiences in the past. These experiences are like heavy burdens that they must carry in their backpacks. Just being separated from their biological families, friends, or their familiar homes can be very stressful and traumatic. Sometimes children have witnessed frequent verbal or physical fights between their parents or witnessed other traumatic events. They are often very worried about their parents, and sometimes they have developed physical or mental health problems themselves. These health problems include things like fetal alcohol syndrome disorder, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety disorder, or attachment disorders. Some children find it difficult to concentrate, trust others, or control their emotions. It is perfectly okay to have these feelings! Children are allowed to be sad, angry, and disappointed. It is important that children are not alone in such situations and that doctors and therapists support them.

Often, it takes time for both the foster children and the foster parents to learn about these problems. This makes it even harder to carry the backpack, and foster parents often do not know how to help carry the backpack and relieve the child. This can lead to despair for both foster children and foster parents. Children’s books like Kids Need to Be Safe: A Book for Children in Foster Care provide good insight into how foster children experience the foster care situation [2].

Challenges of Changing Foster Families

Sometimes a foster child must move from one foster family to another. This can happen if the current foster family cannot handle the challenges that result from the foster child’s backpack full of terrible experiences. Other times, the child does not feel comfortable in the foster family. A move to another family is called a placement change. Changing families can be quite challenging and confusing [3, 4]. It may become increasingly difficult for the foster child to trust people for fear of losing them or due to moving again—just like a plant has great difficulty taking root if it is repeatedly torn out of the ground and replanted. Every time children move, they have to say goodbye to everything and everyone they know and care about. It may be difficult for them to do well in school or make new friends. Children may be angry, upset, or have difficulty controlling their emotions if they do not have a steady home. Such changes can understandably cause the child a lot of fear and worry. However, frequent placement changes do not mean that the child will never have a stable family, and not all foster children experience placement changes. Most foster children find a loving and stable home with a foster family that offers them safety and support. And most importantly, foster children and foster parents are not alone! There are people who help foster children and foster families when things become challenging.

The Foster Care System

An entire team of people works together to help children who cannot live with their biological parents! This team is called the foster care system, and it has several components. First, there are social workers, who are like coaches on this team. They often work for a state or community organization, such as a youth welfare office. Social workers decide which foster family is suitable for the child and they supervise and advise the families. They ensure that the foster family has everything they need to take good care of the child. They also talk to the biological parents to support them and encourage them to maintain contact with their child.

In addition, teachers, doctors, attorneys (also called solicitors), and therapists support the children in carrying their backpacks. They help to find strategies to overcome problems and deal with negative experiences so that the children feel good again, develop well, and become healthy. Sometimes, independent organizations or associations are assigned by the youth welfare office to look after the foster family. These organizations offer support to foster parents and foster children and give them opportunities to get to know other foster parents and foster children. Everyone involved in foster care works together to ensure that each child’s situation continues to improve.

Although each child’s story is unique, the goal remains the same: to create a safe, nurturing environment in which every child can thrive. Foster care is a community effort to ensure that every child feels valued and loved and has the chance to reach their full potential. To discover how scientific research can further benefit foster children, see Table 1 [5].

In conclusion, this article explains why foster children cannot live with their biological parents. Difficult life situations of the parents are often the reason why children are placed in foster families, who offer them protection and care. A change of family can be very stressful for the children, as they must get used to new surroundings. It is therefore crucial that foster children remain in a stable and loving family and get sufficient support so that they can experience security, trust and positive development.

Glossary

Child Welfare: ↑ Ensuring that children are safe, happy, and grow up well. This includes their physical, emotional, and social health and the fulfilling of their needs and rights.

Biological Parents: ↑ The mom and dad who gave birth to a child. These parents pass their genes, for example hair color, to the child, even if they are not the ones raising or caring for the child.

Trauma: ↑ A very bad experience (e.g., violence or death of a loved one) that causes fear, stress, or helplessness and is hard to process without professional help, often leaving long-lasting effects.

Foster Care: ↑ A home for children who cannot live with their biological parents for safety or other reasons. Specialists ensure that the children receive optimal care, stability, and support.

Mental Health Problems: ↑ When thoughts, feelings, or behaviors make it hard to cope with daily life, like feeling very sad, anxious, or stressed for a long time. Treatments can help patients feel better.

Placement Change: ↑ A foster child moves from one foster family to another. This happens when the current foster family is no longer suitable, for example due to problems or changes.

Social Worker: ↑ They help people in tough situations, like family or money problems, by offering advice, support, and finding solutions to improve their lives.

Youth Welfare Office: ↑ An organization tasked with looking after the welfare and rights of children and adolescents. It offers advice, support, and protection for foster children and families.

Conflict of Interest

US and LE work for the Federal Association of Foster and Adoptive Families (PFAD Bundesverband e.V.), which has set itself the goal of supporting foster and adoptive children and their parents throughout Germany.

The remaining authors declare that the research was conducted in the absence of any commercial or financial relationships that could be construed as a potential conflict of interest.

Acknowledgments

The authors would like to thank the Federal Ministry of Education and Research (BMBF, 16SV9023) for funding the research project.